Sunday, April 20, 2008

I <3 him.

Bear was here all weekend, and I basically slept through it. I've been so tired, and so sick, and so sore... that I just needed it so badly. but at the same time, I felt hot... so.... hot. ugh. like every time my skin came in contact with anything, I was so uncomfortable. I hope bear realizes that I need air conditioning to live. lol.

I feel so useless. I wanted to do something for him... anything... and I think I just made his weekend suck. next weekend will be better..

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

London...

So I'm in London with Bear... I feel sorta weird right now. I'm having a great time.. I love waking up with him.. and going to sleep with him.. I love laying in his arms... I love everything about him... but right now..? ugh.. I snooped. I really shouldn't, especially when he's not here to make me feel better. I found letters from.. her. were they ever together? he wrote her poems.. did he speak to her like he speaks to me? did he have plans? hopes? dreams? with her in them? I've never felt like this before... I don't want to be just a replacement.. I wanted to be something different.. something special.. am I?

she brightens up his days... I thought I did...how long ago was she? this is so dumb.. sitting in his room... watching his tv.. laying in his bed... yet I'm worried about her... over the summer... she'll be there won't she...

no wonder he's worried about summer...