Eating "cleaner"

We watched a few documentaries in the past couple of weeks. Hungry for Change, Vegucated and Food Matters are documentaries about food; how it's made, how it gets from the farm to our table, the chemicals that are added and why and what those chemicals do to our bodies. Vegucated had me in tears, and is the reason behind deciding to cut our meat intake, and to be aware of where our meat and animal products come from.

I definitely have a food addiction. I have no "off switch", once I start eating, I have quite a lot of difficulty stopping and these documentaries gave me some ideas as to why that may be.   Luckily, I have a husband who agrees with my must-get-healthy initiative, and a child who is too young to complain, so we're trying to eat "cleaner".  We've cut out 99% of our red meat intake, and we're cutting out chicken as well. I've stopped eating any "white" or "bleached" pastas or breads. I've stopped adding sugar and salt to anything (except my one morning coffee that I take sugar in... that is going to be the hardest habit to break!).

I still have not added any exercise to my plan, and have lost another 4 lbs in the past two weeks. I'm right on track.

I started changing my life on June 11/2013, I was 282 lbs and a size 20 or XXL, I was exhausted, and my entire body ached.

My goal: 135 lbs by January 2015.

So far, I've lost 20 lbs, and I'm feeling incredible :)

I'm fat.

I've always been fat. It's part of who I am. Last year, I decided.. as a side note, that I wished I looked better, so I wanted to lose some weight.  I didn't really pay too much attention though. Sure, I walked around the neighbourhood and I wrote down what I was eating but I was eating enough for three people, and I didn't bother to change that! I lost about five pounds, and then my son got sick and I did. not. care. about. me. Every bit of energy went into him, every ounce of organization went into him, and I ate the easiest, quickest thing that I could; paying absolutely zero attention to what I was putting into my body.

two weeks ago, I decided that I am finally feeling in control of my son's diabetes. We have a solid routine, and his sugars are stable. We're in a good groove. Then I looked in the mirror.

I realized that I have really stopped caring about me. My skin is horrible, my body is sagging, I've got a sty in one eye, and the other just hurts for some reason. My joints ache. I burst into tears multiple times a day. I have an almost constant headache. I'm constantly thirsty. my nails and hair are brittle. To sum it all up, I feel unhealthy. Also, I weighed in at 282 lbs... I'm only 5'5". I am morbidly obese.

I have given myself 18 months to lose 150 lbs. and get healthy. I will not "diet". I am changing my entire lifestyle, and getting myself and my family healthy. I have been researching what our bodies *need* to function, and be healthy.. and am implementing ideas one at a time so that they really stick. So far, I've cut my food intake in half, and have replaced my breads and pastas with whole wheat versions. So far, I have lost 16 lbs.

This week, I have introduced raw veggies.. and can feel a difference in my energy level already.

two months later

It's been almost exactly two months since Des' diagnosis with T1D and we've learned a hell of a lot. We just got his first A1C results, and we are exactly where we should be. There were congratulations all around.

I started to feel overwhelmed from the very beginning, but then things were added to my plate without any discussion about whether or not I could even handle it. I couldn't. at the end of the month, I will be working only part time, and giving myself two days a week where I can really focus on my family. I spend too much time worrying about clients, and not enough time making sure that I am doing what is best for my life.

getting this diagnosis was difficult, but the realization that this was fated, just like everything else in my life, has helped me to accept it. I have always enjoyed taking care of people. I wanted to be a dentist, doctor, or veterinarian... but instead, I ended up  working from home and taking care of my son every day.. where only I would notice the very subtle indications that something wasn't right.

I know in my heart that if he was off at daycare, or if I had decided not to start my own business to be with him all day.. that he wouldn't still be here. If I believed in one, I would thank god.. but I don't. I have faith in something though, the earth, nature, energy.. and everything worked together to ensure that I got my baby help when he needed it most.

We were/are very lucky, and I will not be taking our lives for granted any more. each day is a gift that I am so thankful for.

My son has type 1 diabetes.

wow. that was an easy announcement. I expected it to be more difficult.. but there it is. My son has been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.

On the evening of friday february 8th, 2013 my son threw up his dinner for the third night in a row. Something.. I still don't know quite what.. didn't feel right. I *knew* it was the flu.. but I also *knew* that my gut was in knots and I had no clue why. He didn't seem particularly dehydrated, and he had seemed well all day, but as soon as he vomited I panicked. I screamed to my husband that we needed to go to the emergency room. now.

Explaining to the triage nurse why were there was almost humiliating.. I just kept repeating "something is off, something just isn't right".. and I felt like a complete idiot. After triage, we sat and waited to be seen by a sweet young doctor, who agreed that it was probably the flu. they tried to give him an oral medication to stop him from vomiting anything more but he immediately threw that up so they stuck him on an IV for fluids, and I asked him to please check his blood sugar, and oxygen levels.. just to put my mind at ease, and he said he would.  They took a vial of blood, and then we waited some more.

My husband went to move the car as we were about to run out of the three hour free parking, so I sat there alone.. and just then the doctor came back to discuss my son's condition. He took me into a curtained off area and sat me down, and started explaining something about acidic blood, and glucose levels, and breaking down muscles.. and I didn't understand a word of it. I was terrified, because just by the look on his face.. it was not good, and not an easy fix. That's when he said that all of these were markers of type 1 diabetes.

We were admitted to hospital, and my son got hooked up to all sorts of things.. he was on fluids to rehydrate him, and an insulin drip.. we stayed in hospital for three more days.. learning about what type 1 diabetes actually is, and how our lives will change.

For days, I felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt like someone had punched me in the gut, and I couldn't catch my breath, and every time I started to be able to think straight, I suddenly had to stab my baby and make him scream.. and then my mind would cloud over again.

My son is one of the happiest babies I have ever met. He smiles, constantly. He laughs a deep belly laugh, that you can't help but laugh along with. He enjoys stacking anything on top of anything, and he loves to hide everything. He loves to cuddle, and gives the best squeeziest hugs in the world.. but while we were in the hospital, he did none of these things. My son who started smiling at 4 weeks old and never stopped, didn't smile for four days and I was terrified that I would never get my baby back.

He is back to his old self, and we are coping.. but i am by no means okay with this. I have not accepted it and am having difficulty even being optimistic about it.

My son was only 14 months old when he was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.